There are so many of us walking through this world in a state of
“I’m fine, we’re fine, everything is fine”
As we are saying it, yet, internally we aren’t sure why we can’t stop yelling at our kids over little things, overreacting to something our husband said or why we’re living in a state of constant annoyance. We say to our friends,
“That is just how being a mom goes. I feel bad about it but I cannot change it.”
While that holds it’s own truth at the time, and I know how it feels to be stuck in that spot, I also believe that we can change it.
What I have experienced, is that when we are triggered by something our kids did and we start to yell, it can be because we are triggered by something else. It actually has nothing to do in the moment of the kids spilling their juice all over, but could be stemming from something our friend said to us earlier, the way our husband reacted to us yesterday, or not knowing who we actually are. We have gotten lost in the day to day giving all we have to our families and we have nothing left to give to ourselves. No grace, no compassion, no love, only emptiness.
Now we all know the old saying that we “cannot pour from an empty cup” and yet, how many of us are in that state of emptiness? How do I fill up my cup? How do I find the time to care for myself on top of everything else? How do I allow myself to even think about caring for ME in this moment?
How do I…… How do I……. How do I……?
First step is to breathe.
Take a big deep breath in……… and let it out…….
I find that many people tend to hold their breath when they are stressed. When it is recognized that our breath is being restricted we can allow ourselves to take the time to consciously bring more oxygen to ourselves.
Good job! You just took care of yourself and it took hardly any time at all.
Now the second step is to pause.
Pause. Take a moment to think, is this spilled juice more important than my child in this moment? In pausing, we allow our brain to catch up to our body and we will be able to respond to the situation in a more loving way than if we had allowed our body to react.
Pause. Look around at the beautiful tiny humans that you are guiding as they grow. Allow that to sink in and feel pride in the work that you are doing, gratitude for what is in your life and love for the family you have created.
Great! You cared for yourself again by taking the time to pause, and once again, it took but a moment to do.
The third step is to take responsibility for your reactions.
Yep, you heard me. Take responsibility. Apologize to those kids when you yell at them in a moment that caught you off guard, this allows them to see that it is ok to make mistakes and you are a human who can take responsibility for how you act. Reach out to the friend that said something off-putting to you and let her know in a loving way that you were hurt by it. Talk to your husband and let him know how you are feeling and open that line of communication.
Last, you have to take responsibility for yourself.
That is not the easiest thing to do I know and yet, if you cannot take responsibility for how you are feeling, then who can? Who can allow you to find a time to breathe in nature? Who can allow you to find a group of women that can support you? Where can you go to find the support you need to let go of the old things that are plaguing you and your parenting? Where can you find support in making changes and ideas on how to care for yourself deeper?
There are many support systems out there. Look for one that fits your lifestyle, your beliefs and supports you in a loving way. Think of it as the tool you need to ensure that you are taken care of so you can in turn take care of your family. In healing ourselves, we in turn heal many generations to come.
If you are feeling called, I am starting a mom’s group at the ranch and exploring offering a group online as well! If you are ready to take some time to breathe and explore who you are without the label of “mom”, head to the events page and find out about upcoming workshops and groups.